|
|
I was in junior high when I first started cutting myself with a razor blade. I'm not sure
where I got the idea to cut, but nevertheless, it happened. Now most people ask, "what would make someone want to hurt themselves?"
and that's a very good question. People cut, burn, bite or even choke themselves to make them feel better, hard
to beleive huh? The bottom line is that pain on the outside, takes away pain on the inside. I was very depresses, lonely,
and I didn't get along with my mom at all. I started cutting just a little, a few scratches at a time, but then I began to
cut more and more. By the time I was in high school I was cutting myself 3 or 4 times a day. I would cut so bad that
I would pass out. Sometimes I would have to skip school because I was too weak to go. Then my junior year my best friend
found out. He was so hurt and scared. I promised him I wouldn't do it again, but it wasn't that easy. I continued
to cut, only less, and well hidden. Then I met my boyfriend my senior year. He understood my problem enough to help me.
He was there for me when I wanted to cut, and he helped me clean up after I did. Something no one else I knew could handle.
It hurt him very badly when I hurt myself, and he begged me to get counsiling or whatever it took to stop. I started
to look it up on the internet and I learned more about my problem. I was still cutting, but I understood it better.
Then one day my boyfriend found my passed out in a bathtub full of dark red water. There was blood everywhere and I was
passed out. He freaked out. He thought I was dead and he was crying and so upset that it broke my heart. That was when
I stopped. I still cut a few times after that, but very very little. It's now been months since I cut.
No one really understands what makes a person want to cut themselves, unless they've been through it themselves. It's hard
to pinpoint what gives someone the idea to cut for the first time, but once you start, it's very hard to stop. Cutting becomes
an escape from reality, a way to take the pain you feel on the inside away and put it onto your skin.
It's called many things-self mutilation, delicate cutting, parasuicide, self-abuse, self-harm, and self-injury. Basically
'self-mutilation' is described as, the act of attempting to alter a mood state by inflicting physical harm serious enough
to cause tissue damage to ones body.
Most cutters think that they are the only ones that do this(I did), but in fact 1% of the US population self-mutilate,
and there are twice as many 'cutters' as there are drug addicts.
Self-mutilation, can vary from cutting, burning, pulling hair, punching things, biting, and bruising. Self mutilation
is NOT an attempt at suicide, or a ploy for attention. It is simply a way for people to cope with their emotions. People
who are not able to cope in a normal way. It's a way some people speak, when words won't come out.
Some people ask, how does self injury help someone feel better? The answer to this is not complicate, but not really simple
to understand either. Studies prove that when a person who self injurs is overwhelmed with a strong emotion (sometimes without
a name) and they can't handle it, the act of self harm, brings their levels of phychological tension back to a bearable baseline
almost imediatly. In other wards when they are taken over by an stron uncomfortble emotion, they know that hurting themselves
will make them feel better. They still fell bad, but it's not that panicy, jittery, trapped bad feeling; it's a calm bad
feeling.
Self-Mutilation is hard to understand unless you've been there. Eveyone who injurs themselves reaches a point when they realize
that they have to change their way of coping. This realization can come from an accident when death was close, when parents/athorities
find out, or a push from a close friend (as was the case with me), ect.. When they reach this point, they know they must
stop, but this is difficult. The first step to stop, it to find out if you 'really' self injure.
How do you know if you self-injure? It may seem an odd question to some, but a few people aren't sure if what they do is "really"
self-injury. Answer these questions:
1)Do you deliberately cause physical harm to yourself to the extent of causing tissue damage (breaking the skin, bruising,
leaving marks that last for more than an hour)?
2)Do you cause this harm to yourself as a way of dealing with unpleasant or overwhelming emotions, thoughts, or situations
(including dissociation)?
3)If your self-harm is not compulsive, do you often think about SI even when you're relatively calm and not doing it at
the moment?
If you answer #1 and #2 yes, you are a self-injurer. If you answer #3 yes, you are most likely a repetitive self-injurer.
The way you choose to hurt yourself could be cutting, hitting, burning, scratching, skin-picking, banging your head, breaking
bones, not letting wounds heal, among others. You might do several of these. How you injure yourself isn't as important as
recognizing that you do and what it means in your life.
(I answered 'yes' to all 3 of these)
The next step it to tell someone you trust and are close to. YOU CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE! Parents/athorities are not the best
choice of people to tell. The best person to talk to this about at first, is a close friend. (This is what I chose to do)
You have to have someone you are comfortable talking to, who you do not feel will not judge you. If you are the friend....this
can be tough.
Now what? Perhaps someone you care about has honored you by trusting you with information about their self-injury, or maybe
you've inadvertently discovered it. Regardless of how you found out, you know about it now, and you can't pretend it away
-- you have to respond in some way. Here are some guidelines for dealing with SI in a friend .
1.) DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALY.
Self-injurious behavior is more about the person who does it than about the people around him/her. The person you're concerned
about is not cutting, burning, hitting, or whatever just to make you feel bad or guilty. Even if it feels like a manipulation,
it probably isn't intended as one. People generally do not SI to be dramatic, to annoy others, or to make a point.
2.)EDUCATE YOURSELF.
Get as much information as you can about self-injury in general. There are tons of websites and books out there. You
can't help someone you love, if you don't know anything about what is wrong with them.
4.)UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS.
Be honest with yourself about how this self-injury makes you feel. Don't pretend to yourself that it's okay if it's not
-- many people find self-injury repulsive, frightening, or provoking.
5.)BE SUPPORTIVE, WITHOUT CAUSING THE BEHAVIOR.
It's important that your friend, lover, child, sibling know that you can separate who they are from what they do, and
that you love them independently of whether they self-injure. Be available as much as you can be. Set aside your personal
feelings of fear or revulsion about the behavior and focus on what's going on with the person.
Some good ways of showing support include:
`Don't avoid the subject of self-injury. Let it be known that you're willing to talk, and then follow the other person's
lead. Tell the person that if you don't bring the subject up, it's because you're respecting their space, not because of aversion.
`Make the initial approach. "I know that sometimes you hurt yourself and I'd like to understand it. People do it
for so many reasons; if you could help me understand yours, I'd be grateful." Don't push it after that; if the person
says they'd rather not talk about it, accept this gracefully and drop the subject, perhaps reminding them that you're willing
to listen if they ever do want to talk about it.
`Be available. You can't be supportive of someone if you can't be reached.
`Set reasonable limits. "I cannot handle talking to you while you are actually cutting yourself because I care about
you greatly and it hurts too much to see you doing that" is a reasonable statement, for example. "I will stop loving
you if you cut yourself" isn't reasonable if your goal is to keep the relationship intact.
`Make it clear from your behavior that the person doesn't need to self-injure in order to get displays of love and caring
from you. Be free with loving, caring gestures, even if they aren't returned always (or even often). Don't withdraw your love
from the person. The way to avoid reinforcing SIV is to be consistently caring, so that taking care of the person after they
injure is nothing special or extraordinary.
`Provide distractions if necessary. Sometimes just being distracted (taken to a movie, on a walk, out for ice cream; talked
to about things that have nothing to do with self-injury) can work wonders. If someone you care about is feeling depressed,
you can sometimes help by bringing something pleasant and diverting into their lives. This doesn't mean that you should ignore
their feelings; you can acknowledge that they feel lousy and still do something nice and distracting. (This is NOT the same
as trying to cajole them out of a mood or telling them to just get over it -- it's an attempt to break a negative cycle by
injecting something positive. It could be as simple as bringing the person a flower. Don't expect your efforts to be a permanent
cure, though; this is a simple improve-the-moment technique.)
`If you live apart from the person you're concerned about, offer physical safe space: "I'm worried about you; would
you come sleep over at my house tonight?" Even if the offer is declined, just knowing it's there can be comforting.
`Don't ask "Is there anything I can do?" Find things that you can do and ask "Can I ?" People who
feel really bad often can't think of anything that might make them feel better; asking if you can take them to a movie or
wash those (month-old) dishes (if done nonjudgmentally) can be really helpful. Spontaneous acts of kindness ("I saw this
flower at the store and knew you'd love to have it") work wonders.
6.) ALTAMATIMS NEVER WORK. EVER!
Loving someone who injures him/herself is an exercise in knowing your limitations. No matter how much you care about someone,
you cannot force them to behave as you'd prefer them to. In nearly two years of running the bodies under siege mailing list,
I have yet to hear of a single case in which an ultimatum worked. Sometimes SI is suppressed for a while, but when it inevitably
surfaces it's often more destructive and intense than it had been before. Sometimes the behavior is just driven underground.
One person I know responded to periodic strip searches by simply finding more and more hidden places to cut. Confiscating
tools used for SIV is worse than useless -- it just encourages the person to be creative in finding implements. People have
managed to cut themselves with plastic eating utensils.
Punishments just feed the cycle of self-hatred and unpleasantness that leads to SIV. Guilt-tripping does the same. Both
of these are incredibly common and both make things infinitely worse. The major fallacy here is in believing that SIV is about
you; it almost invariably isn't (except in the most casual ways).
7.)DON'T FORCE THINGS.
If you make overtures and they're rejected, back off for a few days or weeks. Don't push it. Some people need time to
decide to trust someone else, particularly if they've received a lot of negative feedback about their SI before. Be patient.
After discussing your self-mutilation with a friend, you have to fight the urge to cut, burn, etc. When you feel the waves
of strong emotion comming over you, and you want to cut, you have to stop yourself. This is the hardest part. You have to
find something else to do. Some people bite into an unpeeled lemon, or hold an ice cube in their hand. These methods cause
strong feelings, but the effects are not lasting. You will feel silly come morning, but you will not feel guilty. Other
people draw on them selves with a red marker. (this helped me a lot) Some people deside to run, walk, any kind of physical
exersise. Talking to that friend when you feel like cutting, burning, ect., can also work wonders. They have to be willing
to help you though. If you can NOT handle this yourself/with a friend, you should get help from a profecional.
Below is a link to a site that helped me a lot. This site, is what helped me stop cutting. If you self-mutilate, please
go to this site. It can help you.
GET HELP
|
|
|
